This past Sunday I visited my mothers church. Which my cousins are the pastors of. My husband and I attend a different church and I like for my daughter to see her Ita ( that’s grandmas nickname ) in church and to just be able to worship together. Growing up we always attended the same church as a family, so I think it’s nice to be able to have her share those moments together from time to time.
Now whenever we take Annalise out it’s almost always a struggle. Is she going to have a meltdown or is she going to behave somewhat. But yesterday walking into the service my mom took her hand and right away Annalise started clapping her hands to the music. Immediately my heart smiled and I wanted to cry from the joy that I saw in her face. I never once take for granted the small things she does on a daily basis. I do however long for the day for when she can enjoy worship fully and learn to build a relationship with God. I know it’ll be here one day for her so for now when she claps that’s her form of worship and I love it.
When Annalise was 3 months old we dedicated her life to God and made a commitment to always raise her in the truth and the spirit of what our faith is. During the preaching my cousins husband Jarixon, was preaching about commitment and all that flashed in head was that commitment we made for Annalise. I don’t want to quote him wrong but I think it went something like this, “Even when our petitions are not answered we still remember the commitment.” That statement just stood out to me so boldly.
Now some may ask do I pray over my daughter so that God can heal her and give her the voice that she needs? Yes! Have I ever asked God why my daughter ? I have. Do I feel guilt over her condition because of the mistakes I have made in my past? Yes! BUT GOD! GOD REMINDS ME EVEN WHEN I DON’T SEE IT, HE DOES! I know I shouldn’t blame myself or let this guilt hang over me but I’m human and it’s hard some days to let go of those emotions. But I know that even though I can’t see it right now God has a plan for her. Her whole life is already mapped out and I know that he hasn’t forgotten about her. He created her just the way he wanted too! In his eyes she’s perfect and in my eyes she’s perfect too! Regardless of her not talking, regardless if she can’t sit still for more then 1 minute, regardless if she starts crying and you can’t look past it, she’s not a bad child, she just can’t handle all the sensory overload her brain is sending her. I just want people to be sensitive towards others who don’t have children with unique conditions. It can be very hard to be so open with people about the daily struggles we face with her and I appreciate everyone for being so concerned about her.
Annalise Joy might be the happiest child you can meet and you would never know the struggles she goes through. As a new mom I’m learning to see the sacrifice it takes when you know that your child is different. It doesn’t mean a bad different it’s just a unique different. AJ there is no one like you in this world. I thank God daily for you and the way that he made you! I know that you are going to do great things in this world and I can’t wait to share those moments with you!
-Until next time